malopropisms and/or puns specially for mushi

So of course it’s difficult to learn the English language…….and learning to spell can be pure guess work…

a. Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
b. A backward poet writes inverse.
c. A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
d. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
e. Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
f. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
g. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
h. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
i. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
j. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
k. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
l. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
m. When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
n. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.
o. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway.)
p. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
q. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
r. She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
s. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
t. If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
u. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
v. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
w. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
x. You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
y. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
z. He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
aa. Every calendar’s days are numbered.
ab. A lot of money is tainted - ‘taint yours and ‘taint mine.
ac. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
ad. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
ae. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
af. A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium
at large.
ag. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the
end.
ah. Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
ai. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
aj. Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
ak. Acupuncture is a jab well done.